Category: Uncategorized

Oh, you vex me, vex me…

Slippery Slope. As I was saying, recently, for the Nth time (Bumba help me but I do repeat myself!…), even the wisest and steadiest of creatures can get a fit of the vapours now and again, when not a proper bout of the ubermegrims, seeing how miraculously crappy things are; and ostensibly getting crappier by the minute. It’s like the chap in Ecclesiastes never tires of reminding us:
For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.
Mercifully, there always seems to be some good Samaritan or other at hand to check on the despondent soul and administer the traditional “There, there…” and perhaps even a nice hot cup of hot chocolate. Menos da una piedra…


Monster Fury

Fierce Beastie. Well, you know what it’s like. You leave the running of things in the hands of imbecile children with delusions of grandeur, far, far too much money and a set of covetous, lily-livered, grovelling, cringing, enslaved minions to back them up and sanction their every move, and you end up with situations so beyond the absurd as to need a brand new word to describe it. The mostriciattoli, poor mites, are on the farthermost side of flabbergasted. I do feel for them, I do.


Harmless Hunting

Landscape2 B&W. It’s summer in the country. It must be just after lunch because the cicadas are going berserk, perhaps trying to scare the heat away. The world smells of dry pine needles and dust and roses. The mushrooms are only days away, a latent treasure-trove of primeval passions and sensual raptures.
This be a eulogy to the almost lost art of mushroom hunting. They who know or have know the delights of such an activity will instantly recognize what I’m talking about.


Anti Bollocks Week

Island. From the bonny island in the sun where the wild alien tomatoes* roam and the trees blossom all year ‘round, the Family and your truly are wishing you a totally spiffing and riotous AntiValentine day/week/month/whatever.
Us chickens are too effing pooped and despondent to be bothered with the organizing and running of public communal shindigs and such otherwise delicious frivolities. We are going to spend said anti-week with the indigenous veggies and their mates. The Wee Worms will enact a few wormy folk dances and the Shoggies will mix the Martinis. That’ll be the extent of our knees-upping this year. Maybe next time we’ll be back in form, Bumba willing.
PS. Having said that, if you’re cunning enough to find your way to the island on your own steam, and show up unannounced but with a bottle of some nice Cabernet Sauvignon and a bagful of home-made samosas, you’ll be most welcome.
*These be not your average timorous tomatoes. These here be fierce fruits that cannot be coaxed or bullied into your salad. Vegetarians beware.


Vaporous States

Morriña. Del gallego morrinha: S. f. coloq.: Tristeza o melancolía, especialmente la nostalgia de la tierra natal. Sin.: Nostalgia, añoranza, tristeza, pena, melancolía, musepo, melarchía.
Eng. Longing, nostalgia, homesickness.

Since this most wonderful of words hails from a Galicia badly remembered but never forgotten, I’ve used the first line of the Galician national lament* for a quote.
The source of my personal yearning is not for a bygone, nebulously
distant native land that possibly never was but for an equally imaginary Trusk-free brave new world. Ah, for that magic button… Or for the prophecy to come to pass:
Anda jaleo, jaleo,
ya se acabo el alboroto
y ahora empieza el tiroteo.
Come on, kick up a stink, kick up a stink.
The racket is over
And now the shooting begins.

*Os Pinos. Galician national anthem/wail. Here’s a link to it, in case some of you wish to enhance (but on no account “elevate”!; never “elevate”!) your cultural horizons:
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/os-pinos-anthem-galicia-anthem-galicia-pines.html
And with music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeEfiuM6LM8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrPfMFJvpC0


Badlands Tittle-Tattle

The Conversation2. ‘And the Chosen One spoke and He said “Behold! My Time and my Kingdom are come and you, wretched peons, will all do my bidding. Or else. And the else will be most unpleasant, I’ll make sure of that. Who the fuck do you think you are, you worthless slave-born crud to contradict, let alone dare oppose me, you scum”. And so on, ad infinitum and ad nauseam.’ Thus informed the itinerant two-legged Empusa the giant ferns of Ding!Ding! The Empusa’s bodyguard, the Bijou Sneak, confirmed every word quoted by her ward. The poor old ferns were, in no particular order, amazed, shocked, appalled, distraught and, verily and utterly, livid. What‘s the world coming to?, they thought. What indeed.


Deserts And Soups

In The Desert2. It’s not so much a case of repeating myself -you know all those wandering vessels and things- as the fact that I keep finding myself in similarly confusing and occasionally inhospitable places. And it’s not that these places are black and white, far from it, but often-times they are of an enhanced variety of gray that well… sort of dulls the wits and temporarily shrivels the soul. Fortunately there are nearly always a few helpful indigenous creatures willing to assist in the getting out of the soup moderately unscathed. Bumba be praised and His lovely Mother even more!


My Own Private Odyssey

Voyagers. aka. Nothing Left to Explore? Or perhaps we’re sick of exploring and all we want is to go back home, curl up and dribble. The point is that we never seem to get where we want to be. Couldn’t say why. The Cyclops are friendly, the Sea Serpent is on our corner, even the sea itself is reasonably kind. And yet here we are, stuck in the middle of a godawful throng of jokers, fools, psychos and murderers that get away with all sorts of horrors. Bummer.
Myffological Note. The companion SeaSneak is a distant relation of Nure-onna, the famous Japanese snake woman wot likes water.


Promenades Mystical

Walkies2L. I’m truly miffed at not having been able to go with her wherever she was going -it sounded riveting. But she’s promised to tell me all about the place, the climate, the flora and, more newsworthy, the fauna, as soon as she comes back.


Gateway. The stars must be ever so right. They have to; all the other sighs are there: the genocidal psychopaths, the delusional sociopath, the homicidal megalomaniacs, the incompetent imbeciles, the morons-in-high-places, the cretins in charge of lives and deaths, you name it. My only worry is that the Great Napper of R’lyeh will find the prospect on offer far too revolting, even for monster. In which case we’ll have to do with Elon Musk and his worshippers (who are legion, I assure you).