By the Sea. (This one is for the folks at the Met Office and the Maritime and Coastguard Agency.) I have a dream. I’m sitting by the sea, listening to the shipping forecast, musing dark musings and watching time trolling past, when a colossal and kindly sea serpent called Teresina, like my maternal grandmother, pops out of the primeval depths and makes me an offer I can’t refuse. PS. The two little apprentices accompanying the sea serpent are a strange tribute of sorts to the tactical PR nous of those bible bashers that materialize on my doorstep occasionally. Invariably, they have in tow a couple of impossibly cute small children that, also invariably, stop me from telling the godbothering adults exactly what I think of their highly refusable offers to save my black soul. I just tell them I’m a Buddhist or a Post-Lapsarian Anabaptist or, my favourite, a certified agent of the local Jesuit chapter. They don’t like that one one tiny little bit, they don’t, and they bugger off double quick.

Here be a couple of compadritos wot have recently joined the Family.  Mistah Fox. He very angrysad to looksee peoples nobrainy iniquities. Mistah Fox he cry manymany angrysad tears and he make bigbig rain and bigbig rain make bigboggy flood for to carry big trouble awash. There. Next time Mistah Fox come see you you give him tea and muffins to make his belly sweet and maybe he let you play with his mystic rubber ducky and his flying fishis.

2. Miss Bananahat. Miss Bananahat likes to go walkabout. Wherever she goes she takes her own vegetation, a couple of  totem poles and some walking companions. Here she can be seen with two Angry Young Worms and a pair of puppies not-quite-of Tindalos she has been looking after whilst the parents are away on a much-deserved long weekend break in Magaluf, where there’s very good soul hunting & eating to be had. PS. Miss Bananahat is a nice lass but she can be a cheeky cow, she can. These totem poles are mine; she’s nicked them from me and won’t give them back. I’m not in the mood for an open confrontation so I’ll just have to rescue them back from her. The Shoggies will help and perhaps the Cagnolitos, who are notoriously fickle in their loyalties.

Update 23/03/16 The Reluctant Baby. For Dr. Paul Myron Anthony Linebarger, aka Cordwainer Smith -long time no read but obviously not forgotten. And for my compadre Patricio, also a great believer in the things that dwell “at the bottom of one’s head”.

 

Another Fine Mess! Candidates? Take your pick: Tory policy at large; the impending TTIP; the looming American election; Boris Johnson’s gob; Teresa May’s brain; 99% of the Knesset; the BBC, the Daily Mail, Simon Stevens, Atos “Healthcare. … No shortage of runners, indeed. Please feel free to suggest your own top three un-favourites.

Brief Encounter III (or is it VI?). The young Pygmy Dino who showed such great talent for storytelling in the recent Serpentine shindig, has encountered an equally fresh-faced Cagnolito Not-Quite-of Tindalos. An anecdote or two later the wretched hound is totally gobsmacked, utterly dazed and near blowing a fuse. There’s the mesmerizing power of a good yarn for you, chaps. Out there in the distance, Doña Alegrí­a looks fondly on the budding Svengali and thinks, not without some pride, that her assessment of the creature’s natural gifts were spot on.

Update 11/03/16 Have a break. Do not have a Kit-Kat. Have a stroll by the pond instead and talk to your favourite stroppy wee fishis. Life can be sweet, sometimes.